butterflykisses

Bakit nga ba?

2009-04-02T01:11:00.000-07:00

Bakit nga ba ang tao ang hilig mag-expect?
Ayan tuloy, ‘pag hindi na-meet ang expectations todo emote naman.
Cry me a river ang drama. The truth is, from the very start, alam mo naman na hindi ka dapat mag expect eh. But, what can we do, human nature daw, oh di sige, cry ka na lang hanggang mamaga eye bags mo!

Bakit nga ba ang tao ang hilig mag pretend?
Laging sinasabi na okay na sya, when in fact, my heart is still bleeding, ouch!
Most of the time pinipilit ang mga bagay bagay, pati yung healing minamadali.
Can’t you just wait for the wounds to heal naturally, ‘ika nga eh in God’s time.
Lalo tuloy nagiging complicated ang buhay sa kakamadali natin.

Napaisip tuloy ako, lahat nga ba ng sugat pwedeng mag heal? Ang alam ko pag nadapa ka at nagsugat ang tuhod mo, soap and water, agua oxigenada (spell check,pls) plus betadine lang ang katapat. Well kung merong cuts, hmmm ilang stitches kaya ang gagawin ni doc? Pero at least alam mo maghihilom diba? Eh pano kung ang puso mo ang nasugatan? Maghihilom din kaya? Sabi nila time heals all wounds. Pero parang ayaw ko maniwala. Bakit ganun, feeling ko hindi naman. Feeling ko matatakpan lang for a while yung sugat sa puso, pero hindi totally maghihilom. Well, ain’t saying na maniwala ka, sabi ko nga, feeling ko lang naman ito. Kaya ako, iiwasan ko masaktan yung mga taong nandito sa puso ko. Pero bakit ganun, kadalasan, kung sino po yung pinakamalapit sa puso mo sya pa ang nananakit ng sobra sa yo?

Bakit nga ba?

Keeping the Faith this Twenty-O-Nine

2009-01-04T18:01:00.000-08:00

Goodbye, 2008. May the good memories of the past year reside in our hearts as long as we live, and, may the forgettable be forgotten but let the lessons learned be an instrument to improve our lives.

My heart broke twice in 2008. I cried a river for that two painful experiences. My heart bled. My life stumbled. I asked so many questions, answers for some I found, others none. Maybe later, maybe tomorrow, maybe never.

I am not in the best shape…yet. I am still in the process of acceptance and healing but I’ll get there, slowly, eventually. I am keeping the faith as I open my door and welcomes 2009.

God bless each of us.

Happy Birthday, Bu!

2008-11-03T18:23:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow should have been your 22nd birthday . I did not plan on giving you something, probably money na lang so you can buy what it is you want. Sabi naman ni Ate Weng, she was planning to give you a branded blouse, you liked one daw kasi when were shopping together a few months ago. By the way, Raia had a simple birthday celebration last Sunday, just the way we planned it. She missed you, we missed you. Your daughter was happy, I’m sure even if you’re nowhere in sight you’re in her heart…we greeted her “happy 2nd birthday”, kissed and hugged her for you. We all hope you’re happy.

Bu, you were like my twin sister, only, I was nine years older hehe! Pero we always celebrated our birthdays together. Never did I imagine of having my birthday without you. You were so young…I was looking forward to more and more birthday celebrations with you. We may not be the closest sisters, probably because of the age gap, but I love you no less. I just hope I was able to show or let you feel how much I love you and care for you.

Just a few weeks ago, my heart bled as I sign your death certificate, I should have been signing your birthday card, it was so painful…pero…well, I guess God has other plans…it's just so hard to accept, to understand... I hope you heard me when I whispered words into your ear during your last breaths…Bu, worry no more, we will all take good care of your daughter…Thank you for the life you shared with us. Thank you for bringing Raia into this world. Thank you for being my “twin sister”. I love you, Bu! Happy Birthday. Rest in eternal peace with our God. You are loved. You will surely live in our hearts.

On Marriage

2008-10-07T18:41:00.000-07:00

On Marriage
Kahlil Gibran

You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.

Confused mind

2008-10-05T21:04:00.000-07:00

When you said you’re sorry,
Did you mean you won’t do it again?
Do I have the reason to be happy?
Or that feeling is too sudden?

How’d I know what’s inside you?
Can I see it through your eyes?
Can I trust the words you threw?
Maybe what I see and hear are lies

What are the things I need to do?
Can you please tell me?
So I can please you
So you may see no one but me

For Jasmin

2008-05-11T18:52:00.000-07:00

Every baby is a gift from God,
We believe it’s true
You were especially wrapped for mom and dad
In my womb until your due

The day came unexpectedly
My tummy ached so badly
And even though you were a preemie
Thank God for you were healthy and oh so lovely!

You turned our nights into days, literally
But you also made our sun shine more brightly
The sleepless nights were inevitable
But the joys it brought were unquestionable

Now, it has been a year since you were born
Time flies so fast as if it is being blown
And so with pride and happiness we’ll blow the horn
To signal the start of another milestone

So to you, baby, let us be the first to say
The words that you will hear all throughout this day
Anika Jasmin, happy, happy 1st birthday!
We love you unconditionally everyday!

Dad and Mom

May 10, 2008

To a very special woman

2008-03-11T21:41:00.000-07:00

Today is a very important and special day not only for me but for our whole family. March 12 is truly God's blessing to all of us because it marks the day of life of a person whose beauty radiates to everyone she looks at. Her touch gives the ultimate comfort one can ever ask. Her words lift up even the lowest of spirits. Her wisdom is rich and truly enlightening. Her battles in life inspire us to go on, climb and reach our summits. She's no super woman...but she's the hero(ine) in our lives...she's our mother, our nanay. A very caring daughter, supportive sister, trustworthy friend, loving wife, proud mother, happy grand ma ... Happy Birthday, Nanay!!! All the good things in life for you. We love you...

Welcome 2008!

2008-01-06T16:39:00.000-08:00

Yey! First Christmas and New Year ni Jasmin...I think she had so much fun. It was really a special feeling celebrating the holidays with the family, especially now, we have our baby. Hubby and I celebrated the past two seasons with just the two of us, but now, my mom's home and of course as I've said earlier, there's Jasmin .
New year na naman, hay, how time flies. Finished na ang Christmas but I hope the spirit of the season will reside in our hearts every single day. Ang hirap yata nun no, pero let's try, i'll try...Well, every new year there's the resolution na paulit ulit lang hmmm, natutupad ba? Nasa atin na 'yun.
Personally, I started 2008 with a prayer saying my sincerest thanks for 2007. The past year was a great one, I gave birth to Jasmin. Yes, there were problems, hardships...it's life's nature eh, pero smile lang ni Jasmin-pot, magaan na lahat dalhin. Also, I asked for good and healthy life for our family, friends and loved-ones. I sincerely hope and pray that this year will bring good things to all of us. May we be strong enough to face life's everyday challenge and also humble enough to ask for guidance and direction always from our Creator. May we be able to share our blessings to others even in small ways. May we be healthy-physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually, to enjoy life with our family and friends, to work hard and realize our goals. May our hearts be filled with love, forgiveness and goodness. Happy New Year!!!

At 30

2007-11-04T19:42:00.000-08:00

I feel good.
I feel light.
I'm blessed.
I'm grateful
I'm 30.

I feel young.
I feel old.
I'm a mom.
I'm a wife.
I'm 30.

I feel happy.
I feel nervous.
I'm a dreamer.
I'm a doer.
I'm 30.

Bumbo (is) seat!

2007-10-03T21:51:00.000-07:00

Finally! After almost two months of bumbo hunting, my Jasmin now has one. Thanks Ninang Rose! mwah :* . It’s in yellow. I just saw it in the net and read good reviews ‘bout it so I started looking for one in our local stores. I couldn’t find any (but I read din somewhere, just can’t remember where, that it’s available na daw in babyland ATC, but always out of stock, ngek!) prompting me to browse online. It is available in the US as well as in Europe stores but as we all know, the cost of shipping is quite expensive. And I thought of Rose hehe…so I asked her to look for one in Sing…and voila! Thanks again bru, special mention also to her MIL who was so kind carrying it from Sing to Pinas. As what Rose said the box was a bit bulky but surprisingly it is magaan lang cause it’s made of rubber. It’s kinda weird looking but I believe it will be helpful to my baby to sit upright and balance her weight.

I started sitting Jasmin on it, at first she was hesitant, maybe because it’s a new sight to her, but eventually after two tries, she seemed to be enjoying the whole new experience. Kaya lang she always reaches for the middle part, the one that separates her legs, she wants to taste it…ahhh… babies talaga, they all want everything to be in their mouth.

Love the bumbo…

When doing nothing means so much

2007-09-26T00:57:00.000-07:00

We had our monthly prayer meeting yesterday, September 25 (OT: To my good friend Rose, Happy bday, mare!) and the gospel was all about the Parable of the rich man and Lazarus which says:

Luke 16:19-31 "Now there was a certain rich man, and he was clothed in purple and fine linen, living in luxury every day. A certain beggar, named Lazarus, was laid at his gate, full of sores, and desiring to be fed with the crumbs that fell from the rich man’s table. Yes, even the dogs came and licked his sores. It happened that the beggar died, and that he was carried away by the angels to Abraham’s bosom. The rich man also died, and was buried. In Hades, he lifted up his eyes, being in torment, and saw Abraham far off, and Lazarus at his bosom.

He cried and said, ‘Father Abraham, have mercy on me, and send Lazarus, that he may dip the tip of his finger in water, and cool my tongue! For I am in anguish in this flame.’

"But Abraham said, ‘Son, remember that you, in your lifetime, received your good things, and Lazarus, in like manner, bad things. But now here he is comforted and you are in anguish. Besides all this, between us and you there is a great gulf fixed, that those who want to pass from here to you are not able, and that none may cross over from there to us.’

He said, ‘I ask you therefore, father, that you would send him to my father’s house; for I have five brothers, that he may testify to them, so they won’t also come into this place of torment.’

"But Abraham said to him,
‘They have Moses and the prophets. Let them listen to them.’

"He said, ‘No, father Abraham, but if one goes to them from the dead, they will repent.’

"He said to him, ‘If they don’t listen to Moses and the prophets, neither will they be persuaded if one rises from the dead.’"

I'm quite sure most of us are familiar with this parable, we've heard this since we were young during those summer bible school. And now, in the nth time, the words were read in front of me. I know the parable by heart, and looking back, I would always ask, why would the rich man went to hades when he did nothing to Lazarus. I mean, he didn't do any harm to Lazarus, so I was confused, but didn't bother to answer the confusion I had. It was a few years back that I realized that doing nothing was exactly the point. He didn't do anything. Didn't even bother to share some good food to the poor man when I am sure his were overflowing. You know it may sound so simple but when you look beyond the words and try to go deeper, it means a lot, it means so much. Maybe there was a point in our lives that we were personified by the rich man, maybe currently we are the rich man...doing absolutely nothing to every Lazarus we're meeting. Lazarus isn't only the beggar in the streets, Lazarus could be a younger brother or sister asking help for his/her assignment, an office mate who wants to pour her heart out because of problems at home, parents who only misses their children and desperately wanting to be visited. Often times, it is with the simple things we could find peace. It is in our quite doing of goodness that we will be able to appreciate life.

Of Weddings and Memories

2007-09-05T00:59:00.000-07:00

I am a person who is so fascinated with weddings. I would always browse sites, magazines, blogs, etc that deal with it. I also thought of having a career in line with weddings (maybe sooner or later it would be realized, who knows...). I don't know, I feel happy whenever a friend or a colleague tells story about wedding preparations - scouting for suppliers, attending bridal fairs, etc. I feel their excitement that I would want to hear even the tiniest of details and couldn't contain my sharing of ideas, resources and personal opinion about this and that.

Recently, I found myself browsing a friend's site about their wedding preparations with so much gusto. And without a doubt I feel the excitement for them. It's as if I was brought down memory lane having my own wedding preps, mine wasn't that long ago, though. But what is it about weddings that made me so at home with it, you may ask. Well, honestly I don't know for sure...maybe it's the event per se, from the teary-eyed bride walking down the aisle, to the solemn exchange of vows, to the lively reception, to the laughters and tears during speech...I really don't know for sure...maybe it is the memory(ies) attached to each wedding - pre-during-post. Come to think of it, even if the couple is a family or a close friend, or simply someone you just know, the fact that you shared their special day means you are an instant part of the memory that they will treasure for the rest of their lives (hopefully).

So to all of you who have decided to tie the knot, congratulations and best wishes...savor every little detail of it and treasure the memories into your hearts... :)

Missing you...

2007-08-29T01:39:00.000-07:00

Dear Jasmin,

Hi baby! I am missing you terribly. I can’t help thinking about you now that I resumed working. Well, I know you’re in good hands with your grandma, it’s just that I want to be with you all the time. I want to take care of you. I want to see your developments, I want to be there to see your first turn over or hear your first word. I felt so blessed and at the same time so emotional when you laugh out loud the first time. I cried. It was one of the most joyful feeling I had in my life…hearing you laugh. Yes, I will admit that I am feeling so tired and sleepy, you see, I haven’t had a good, uninterrupted sleep since you were born. But hey, it’s perfectly fine with me, as long as you are with me, good and healthy, secure and warm. I don’t care if I have to watch you every night just to be sure that you’re breathing normally or you’re fed at the right time. And baby, because you were a preemie, my heart pounds every time I hear you cry with discomfort. You know, I’ve come to read between your cries and distinguish if you’re hungry, you’re irritated, or there’s something wrong. I always fear hearing your “there’s something wrong” cry. If only I have magic to know what is specifically bothering you, but I don’t…so I’ll just have to do everything I could to make you feel comfortable…and I hope I am able to make you feel such…

I never imagined motherhood to change me so much. Then, whenever I’d hear or read stories about how wonderful it is to be a mom, I’d just nod and think that they were just over acting…now I am so ashamed for simply entertaining that thought. Indeed, nothing can compare with the joy, happiness and completeness motherhood can give. I am so happy having my daughter. I am so blessed having you, Anika Jasmin!

Love,

Mommy