At 30

I feel good.
I feel light.
I'm blessed.
I'm grateful
I'm 30.

I feel young.
I feel old.
I'm a mom.
I'm a wife.
I'm 30.

I feel happy.
I feel nervous.
I'm a dreamer.
I'm a doer.
I'm 30.

Bumbo (is) seat!

Finally! After almost two months of bumbo hunting, my Jasmin now has one. Thanks Ninang Rose! mwah :* . It’s in yellow. I just saw it in the net and read good reviews ‘bout it so I started looking for one in our local stores. I couldn’t find any (but I read din somewhere, just can’t remember where, that it’s available na daw in babyland ATC, but always out of stock, ngek!) prompting me to browse online. It is available in the US as well as in Europe stores but as we all know, the cost of shipping is quite expensive. And I thought of Rose hehe…so I asked her to look for one in Sing…and voila! Thanks again bru, special mention also to her MIL who was so kind carrying it from Sing to Pinas. As what Rose said the box was a bit bulky but surprisingly it is magaan lang cause it’s made of rubber. It’s kinda weird looking but I believe it will be helpful to my baby to sit upright and balance her weight.

I started sitting Jasmin on it, at first she was hesitant, maybe because it’s a new sight to her, but eventually after two tries, she seemed to be enjoying the whole new experience. Kaya lang she always reaches for the middle part, the one that separates her legs, she wants to taste it…ahhh… babies talaga, they all want everything to be in their mouth.

Love the bumbo…

When doing nothing means so much

We had our monthly prayer meeting yesterday, September 25 (OT: To my good friend Rose, Happy bday, mare!) and the gospel was all about the Parable of the rich man and Lazarus which says:

Luke 16:19-31 "Now there was a certain rich man, and he was clothed in purple and fine linen, living in luxury every day. A certain beggar, named Lazarus, was laid at his gate, full of sores, and desiring to be fed with the crumbs that fell from the rich man’s table. Yes, even the dogs came and licked his sores. It happened that the beggar died, and that he was carried away by the angels to Abraham’s bosom. The rich man also died, and was buried. In Hades, he lifted up his eyes, being in torment, and saw Abraham far off, and Lazarus at his bosom.

He cried and said, ‘Father Abraham, have mercy on me, and send Lazarus, that he may dip the tip of his finger in water, and cool my tongue! For I am in anguish in this flame.’

"But Abraham said, ‘Son, remember that you, in your lifetime, received your good things, and Lazarus, in like manner, bad things. But now here he is comforted and you are in anguish. Besides all this, between us and you there is a great gulf fixed, that those who want to pass from here to you are not able, and that none may cross over from there to us.’

He said, ‘I ask you therefore, father, that you would send him to my father’s house; for I have five brothers, that he may testify to them, so they won’t also come into this place of torment.’

"But Abraham said to him,
‘They have Moses and the prophets. Let them listen to them.’

"He said, ‘No, father Abraham, but if one goes to them from the dead, they will repent.’

"He said to him, ‘If they don’t listen to Moses and the prophets, neither will they be persuaded if one rises from the dead.’"

I'm quite sure most of us are familiar with this parable, we've heard this since we were young during those summer bible school. And now, in the nth time, the words were read in front of me. I know the parable by heart, and looking back, I would always ask, why would the rich man went to hades when he did nothing to Lazarus. I mean, he didn't do any harm to Lazarus, so I was confused, but didn't bother to answer the confusion I had. It was a few years back that I realized that doing nothing was exactly the point. He didn't do anything. Didn't even bother to share some good food to the poor man when I am sure his were overflowing. You know it may sound so simple but when you look beyond the words and try to go deeper, it means a lot, it means so much. Maybe there was a point in our lives that we were personified by the rich man, maybe currently we are the rich man...doing absolutely nothing to every Lazarus we're meeting. Lazarus isn't only the beggar in the streets, Lazarus could be a younger brother or sister asking help for his/her assignment, an office mate who wants to pour her heart out because of problems at home, parents who only misses their children and desperately wanting to be visited. Often times, it is with the simple things we could find peace. It is in our quite doing of goodness that we will be able to appreciate life.

Of Weddings and Memories

I am a person who is so fascinated with weddings. I would always browse sites, magazines, blogs, etc that deal with it. I also thought of having a career in line with weddings (maybe sooner or later it would be realized, who knows...). I don't know, I feel happy whenever a friend or a colleague tells story about wedding preparations - scouting for suppliers, attending bridal fairs, etc. I feel their excitement that I would want to hear even the tiniest of details and couldn't contain my sharing of ideas, resources and personal opinion about this and that.

Recently, I found myself browsing a friend's site about their wedding preparations with so much gusto. And without a doubt I feel the excitement for them. It's as if I was brought down memory lane having my own wedding preps, mine wasn't that long ago, though. But what is it about weddings that made me so at home with it, you may ask. Well, honestly I don't know for sure...maybe it's the event per se, from the teary-eyed bride walking down the aisle, to the solemn exchange of vows, to the lively reception, to the laughters and tears during speech...I really don't know for sure...maybe it is the memory(ies) attached to each wedding - pre-during-post. Come to think of it, even if the couple is a family or a close friend, or simply someone you just know, the fact that you shared their special day means you are an instant part of the memory that they will treasure for the rest of their lives (hopefully).

So to all of you who have decided to tie the knot, congratulations and best wishes...savor every little detail of it and treasure the memories into your hearts... :)

Missing you...

Dear Jasmin,

Hi baby! I am missing you terribly. I can’t help thinking about you now that I resumed working. Well, I know you’re in good hands with your grandma, it’s just that I want to be with you all the time. I want to take care of you. I want to see your developments, I want to be there to see your first turn over or hear your first word. I felt so blessed and at the same time so emotional when you laugh out loud the first time. I cried. It was one of the most joyful feeling I had in my life…hearing you laugh. Yes, I will admit that I am feeling so tired and sleepy, you see, I haven’t had a good, uninterrupted sleep since you were born. But hey, it’s perfectly fine with me, as long as you are with me, good and healthy, secure and warm. I don’t care if I have to watch you every night just to be sure that you’re breathing normally or you’re fed at the right time. And baby, because you were a preemie, my heart pounds every time I hear you cry with discomfort. You know, I’ve come to read between your cries and distinguish if you’re hungry, you’re irritated, or there’s something wrong. I always fear hearing your “there’s something wrong” cry. If only I have magic to know what is specifically bothering you, but I don’t…so I’ll just have to do everything I could to make you feel comfortable…and I hope I am able to make you feel such…

I never imagined motherhood to change me so much. Then, whenever I’d hear or read stories about how wonderful it is to be a mom, I’d just nod and think that they were just over acting…now I am so ashamed for simply entertaining that thought. Indeed, nothing can compare with the joy, happiness and completeness motherhood can give. I am so happy having my daughter. I am so blessed having you, Anika Jasmin!


Love,

Mommy